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08 April 2012 @ 04:55 pm
intrada [Tetsuya/Ayana x 30 kisses]  
Title: intrada
Fandom: L'Arc~en~Ciel
Pairing: Tetsuya/Ayana  (1st-person: Tetsuya's POV)
Prompt: 30 Kisses #1: look over here
Rating: G.
Warning(s): extremely abstract
Words: 637
Summary: A poem-fic describing Tetsuya's early feelings for Ayana: being unreachable, dreams and love songs, the pull of fate, the pain of a heart broken too many times, and an all-consuming love.
Author's Note: I had many different ideas for what direction this fic would take, and in the end, I'm actually very proud of it. It's practically a poem, the way I wrote it, and I believe that approach fit the subject well. It covers a lot of smaller ideas, uniting them as one-- though, one could say the same thing about love as a whole~ ^^ If you can get meaning out of it, then sir or madam, I salute you. If you read it and it just seems like weird/trippy rambling and you hate it, then please realize that most of my fics are not like this, and that I'm not actually a drug addict. ^^

That said, hope you enjoy! Comments & feedback are greatly appreciated. <3


The sunshine is blinding, far too bright for me to see anything, wafting in through the mists of a dream yet cutting it like daggers. I hesitate for just a moment too long to open my eyes. The scene wavers back and forth before me, dancing like a familiar light in your eyes.

Your hands are folded in your lap, demure and composed, fingers lacing and twining together, unbreakable and impossible to reach.

(I cannot reach you)

There, just a breath away-- the wind runs its playful fingers through your hair, and I feel myself swept away in it as well. You are so close, I just know that if I lean forward a little more, I can reach--

--but, the moment I try, the crowd enfolds me inside of it. Suddenly I can only catch a glimpse of your hair as you toss it over your shoulder, perhaps a smile that I return though you cannot see, or even a casually-tossed kiss that could have been meant for me.

(no, I cannot reach you)

That is the way it always is. Reaching, reaching, but never feeling.

Effortlessly, the air ebbs and flows about you, seemingly parting for your every desire-- you dance through the meaningless, the heartening, the distant, the close. Movement that is music. You could win the world over with your very smile.

As I am looking that way, I feel a tug-- a silver string, knotted in my chest, pulls me through monochrome scenes without meaning. The music is deafening and I cannot move. Meaningless. Heartening. Distant. Close?

Sometimes I feel as though my heart is too battered to hold love.

In my own hands, it is scarred, marked and still bleeding fresh-- a faintly glimmering pulse, cascading tears and blood. If I were to pour all my love into it, would my heart stop? Or would the love run free through every scar and open wound, washing away even the last flickers of hope?

Though I am scared, I hold my heart in my hands.

Do you understand? Can you understand? A rising chorus drowns out my voice. I can only hope that perhaps you can hear the echoes of my words of love.

(they are all for you)

I write down every one so that we will never forget, but then the sunlight comes and that dream becomes mist and melts away. I am left only with a faint recollection of a warmth that filled a void I never knew was there in my chest.

The silver string's tugging is insistent, and I follow with nothing but a sad glance over my shoulder. Dreams are left behind. Colorless scenery enfolds me in a sea of voices. Blind to the future before me, I struggle onward without knowing-- only fate knows.

Can't you see? I am holding my heart in my hands, running raw and red through my outstretched fingers.

I am holding it out for you.

(take it)

Do not shy your eyes and look away-- please. Look over here.

I wish I could show you that everything you're looking for is there, spread out before you-- drenched in shining, beautiful colors my world has never known. You could reach out and touch them, ah, if only you could see that--

(look over here; let me show you.)

I wish I could be everything you're looking for. For now, I can promise that I'll always be here, waiting for you. I'd do anything to give you exactly what you're searching for-- we can go to that iridescent world together.

(look over here; let the words melt together, let their colors shine through)

Look over here, for but a moment-- see that the silver string lies at your feet.

Ah, take up my heart in your hands, and see it become whole.


Listening to: "The Ghost in My Room" - L'Arc~en~Ciel